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Requiem for Roger Clemens
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Roger Clemens, the latest victim of the Inquisition of Public Opinion.Roger Clemens, the latest victim of the mass-murderer known as mass-media.
Roger Clemens, the latest victim of an athlete's hubris gone horribly awry.
Let me say first that I have hated and will in the future hate Roger Clemens simply because I don't like the guy, and when I was a kid he threw a piece of a bat at my favorite player and then said he thought it was the ball. But I digress.
Roger Clemens probably made a few mistakes in the past. As someone who really does not give a damn if an athlete wants to destroy their body in the name of records, stats, athletic greatness, it's hard for me to condemn him for what he may have done in the past. I do think it is interesting that the best hitter of all-time and arguably the best pitcher of all-time were both roided out of their gourds; take that lesson to heart, kids.
But the mistakes Roger may or may not have made in the past will be judged, at the appropriate time at the appropriate place. Which gets me to my first point: the so-called "court" of public opinion.
Now, I understand that people simply are going to form opinions about what goes on in the public around them, be it opinions about politics, sports, entertainment, religion, etc. Look at what I'm doing right here. The problem is that public opinion has gone too far. Our collective opinions no longer form a court but an inquisition. Go on any sports blog or message board and look at all the messages written by people about these athletes. The mass condemns them; the few say hold judgement. It's funny; the mass, throughout history, has always been the quickest to condemn, and then in turn the quickest to make bad choices.
Once again, I'm not saying I think that these men are innocent. The simple physical changes in their bodies and freak productino during years that are normally declines for most players would point at some illicit help from steroids. But I don't know for sure. So I withhold my opinion.
The inquisition of public opinion was probably originally a court, where Joe and Bob and Ray and Martin and Jane and Julio came to shoot the shit and discuss the a-doin's that were a -goin' on in this here spaceship earth. But then came a power so great and terrible, it transformed us all. In particular, it gave us, the audience, a power and a voice we never had before. Our musings became blasted through the world over blogs, cell phones, streaming video, and so on. As the technology grew, this dark power grew more and more out of control, as we grew drunker and lazier within its warm embrace....yes, I speak of the media.
Mass-media! Isn't it sweet? I know I always wanted to know what songs Allen Iverson sang while taking a shower! Now, thanks to 24/7 media coverage, video blogs, and all that other crap, I can find out. YAYYYY! Hey, I wonder what no-name 12th man Paul Shirley thinks about the war in Iraq*? Ooops, no I don't!
(*Paul Shirley's blog is actually quite fascinating, extremely well written, very witty, and controversial. A sitcom is also being produced about his life.)
Where was I? Oh year, the media. Paul Shirley and his great blog notwithstanding, the constant coverage of everything is out of control. Just like at that poor little skank who used to be married to Kevin Federline. Think she'd benefit from a little less exposure? I think so.
Everything is an issue now, because of this format. When you constantly have to report, well, you need to constantly find shit to report on. That's why adultery was a non-starter in the sixties but stops the presses now. The media made it an issue. The morals and values crowd was around in the sixties. The media (namely Falwell) just hadn't made them a force yet.
Which of course, brings us to the key point in all this; the public, the media, they are both out of control. But they have been feeding, for years now, the most ravenous, greedy monster of them all: the ego of the average star athlete. For those of you who think "average star athlete" is an oxymoron, what I mean to convey is if Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Barry Sanders, LT (the linebacker), LT (the running back), LeBron, Pele, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Wayne Gretsky, and 100 other star athletes were all in the same room talking, that would be the average star athlete, okay? Anyways, most of these guys have giant egos. Michael Strahan? Giant ego. Tiki Barber? Giant ego. Want some real superstarts? Terrell Owens. Randy Moss. Shaquille O'Neil. There isn't even a word to describe Shaq's ego, except maybe Shaq-tastic!
The point is, these guys have been brought up to think they're special, and physically speaking, they are. But they get to be arrogant, and start to thining that they can't be touched. They start thinking they are above the law, that the rules don't apply to them. And that is when you find yourself in front of Tom Davis, having to forcefully deny all the accusations against you, hoping that your stats and numbers, your precious reputation, will save you in the inquisition of public opinion.
8:52 AM 0 Comments
The Grammys, how I hate thee
Monday, February 11, 2008
You know, I said that I'd deliver news. Well this is news. Entertainment news yes, but I feel that it is germane to society, so I must speak on the matter.You see, I used to really like the awards shows. The glitz, the glamour, the gullible "artists" who blissfully proclaim the merits of scientology and other cults on national tv; it truly seemed grand to me.
Then I got older, and all I saw was a big, grotesque spectacle involving extremely annoying people giving each other awards. Basically, this is rich people glorifying themselves.
Now, I'm all for awards, but do we really need to know who is the best sound editor on the block?
More importantly, these people, these pop-stars, oops, I mean artists, are constantly glorifying themselves. Just listen to any rap song; they sing about how awesome their life is and how they make absurd amounts of money. On top of that, I've started to get the feeling, and I think other people have as well, that the Grammys, in particular, have just gotten too homogenous. I can't help but notice the similarities between Norah Jones, an interesting young woman with a neat voice, neat sound, and neat look that all remind our parents how awesome the fifties were, and the woman with the same m.o. who dominated the Grammys last night, Amy Winehouse.
Now, Amy Winehouse has a slightly different style/look/attitude from Miss Jones, but it's the same chick. Don't we all see that? Neither of these women, in my opinion, is a great talent. I simply don't get what it is about this type of artist that captures peoples attention and garners such praise and acclaim. And that brings me to the crux of my article, here; is Amy Winehouse the talent the Grammys really should glorify?
I'm all for doing your own thing; live and let live I say. But Amy Winehouse is the Brits' Britney, albeit with "talent." I'm pretty sure Amy Winehouse is better than Britney Spears, but there are plenty of bands I can think of off the top of my head who are much better, more talented, and enjoyable than Amy Winehouse. Sorry, Ames, you're just too much of a dirty skank-whore for me. The beehive do is awesome, though. Love what you're doing there. You didn't need to be handed five grammys, though, and certainly not Record of the Year. At least she didn't win Album of the Year. What the hell is the difference? Do they really still make records all that much? If so, it's probably so they can win Record of the Year.
Finally, it seems that the Grammys wanted to thumb their nose at the US, who politely told miss Winehouse that while she had a nice voice, we already had Paris, Britney, Lindsay, and a bunch of other chicks hotter than her who could do her job already, so she could stay in Britain for the time being. Maybe I'm reading to much into the situation.
Either way, Amy Winehouse certainly is not the Jesus of music that she is being promoted as. Here are a few qoutes made about the singer:
The New Statesman magazine called Winehouse "a filthy-mouthed, down-to-earth diva."
People magazine said she was "a perfect storm of sex kitten, raw talent and poor impulse control."
In November of last year, the first night of a 17-date tour was derailed by booing and walkouts at the National Indoor Arena in Birmingham. A music critic for the Birmingham Mail newspaper claimed it was "one of the saddest nights of my life... I saw a supremely talented artist reduced to tears, stumbling around the stage and, unforgivably, swearing at the audience."
What? Tell me when Whitney Houston challenges this girl to a fight to see which one of them truly is the "Queen of Blowing all your Talent on Drugs and my Hubby."
As always, check back here for more news, insights, and opinions from SpedRex
7:56 AM 0 Comments
All Hail the New England...G-Men?
Monday, February 4, 2008
19-0.
Remember when that was deemed "impossible?" Remember when it was simply too hard, too grueling, in this day and age, to win every game of a football season?
Well, we're going to start hearing it again. We're also going to have to suffer through the '72 Dolphins and their bubbly (even though the Pats did beat the Fins mark by one game).
When Eli Manning and the G-Men of New York beat the New England Patriots, the massive surprise that we all felt was justified. Manning had never really looked like a stud QB, and the Patriots seemed unbeatable. But after that game last night, we were reminded, once more, that nobody is perfect.
Usually, the last unbeaten team goes down in week 11, or 12, or maybe as late as 14. This year, the last unbeaten went down in the Super Bowl.
Finally, let's give Eli "Dangit" Manning his credit: he played like an MVP, and he deserves MVP. There are arguments to be made for Justin Tuck, considering his contribution to a stellar defensive performance, but when Eli led the come from behind, game winning fourth quarter drive, he did something that neither his brother, Brett Favre, nor even the great Dan Marino could do: derail a superior opponent in the big game. I know that Favre and Peyton both have rings, but they both beat tomato cans in their Super Bowl wins. Even though Peyton beat the Patriots last year, and previously had lost to them over and over, those Patriots (even with 3 Super Bowls) were not as intimidating as this year's Patriots. Favre lost his big game to a superior team, namely the Broncos, in '97. Finally, Dandy Dan Marino lost the only Super Bowl he ever played, to Joe Montana.
Eli went up against the Goliath of Goliaths, and he walked away a champion. Eli, my hat's off to you. Now please go back to being terrible so we can make fun of you again, okay?
6:41 AM 0 Comments
A Bold New (old) Direction!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Well folks, SpedRex is back. It's been a long hiatus, but I've finally figured out what I, being the magnamimous soul that I am, can share with all of you. Ready? Here's my big revelation:News.
Yes, folks, I, SpedRex, do hereby pledge to bring you the news, in all its unadulterated and boring beauty. Some of you are probably wondering, "What the hell is he talking about? I watch and read and hear the news all the time!"
No, you don't, and neither do I, which is why I must do this. You see, folks, it is my belief that we really haven't heard news in a long, long, time. I can tell you the latest on Brittany Spears' new album, I'm a Skeezy Skank with no Talent, but I'll be damned if I could tell you the platforms of any of the major presidential candidates this year. Hell, I'd be surprised if more than five people could tell me the differences between Hillary and Obama (and saying "he's black and she's a woman," doesn't count).
I'm not really sure when this happened to news in this country. I have my theories. One, and this isn't a theory as much as a fact, is that 99% of journalism majors (and current journalists) are jerkoffs. They don't become journalists to report the news, they do it to become the news. Just ask Mike Wallace and all the "reporters" on 60 Minutes, a show that once interviewed kings, and now interviews Vince Young. Way to honor the legacy of Edward R. Murrow, fellas; I know when I think 60 Minutes, I think of interviews with marginal 2-year NFL quarterbacks.
Not only are most journalists jerks, but their jerkiness is now on full display on camera. This is due in part to the John Stewart effect, of turning the news into entertainment. When once the news was simply presented to us, it is now packaged for us. Keith Olberman is the best example of this; he is John Stewart on MSNBC. I like John Stewart. There's a big difference between Olberman and Stewart, though, which is that Stewart is on a comdey show on a comedy network, while Olberman is presented legitimately on MSNBC.
Chris Matthews is the same thing. So are all the mutants inhabiting FOX News. I'm almost positive that Bill O'Reilly and Chris Matthews are at least brothers, if not the same person wearing different makeup.
I'd really like to be able to tell someone what is going on with the writer's strike, but it was never well explained by any news outlet on TV. They told there was a strike, and then proceeded to tell about all the wacky new reality shows coming out as a result. In fact, I had to look on the internet, and I really had to dig, to find out any realy info.
So from now on, SpedRex will bring you at least one real news story a day, starting on Monday, because I have to work tomorrow. What's a real news story, you ask? Well, if it has "Brittany" and "Spears" in the same sentence, it probably isn't news, unless the sentence is "Iran's government cracks under international pressure like Brittany Spears at a maternity ward." If the story has anything to do with what famous person is fucking another famous person, it ain't news. News consists of that which is important. While I will decide what is important for me to write about, trust me when I say I will make a concerted effort to avoid what is simply interesting in favor of what is important.
So, with that, I'm off to find the news!
As always, check back for more news, insights, and opinions from SpedRex!
9:08 AM 0 Comments
Can't Escape Your Fate
Friday, January 4, 2008
It seems that, no matter who you are and what you do, there are forces seeking to impose their will, or their interpretation of your will, on you. By "you," I mean me.I don't understand this world. We say that we should chase our dreams and do what we want, but there's an adendum to that statement: do it fast. Bill Gates and the NFL taught us that no matter what you've done in the past, good or bad, all that matters is what you're doing now and are going to do in the future. In fact, what you're doing now doesn't really matter as all people seem to do these days is worry about what lies ahead.
Our society is planned out to an almost absurd degree. I say almost because sometimes it it is obvisouly necessary to map out a plan of some sort; but we are at a point in time where nothing is valid until there is a plan blocking out every step of the process. Financial planning, health planning, business planning, marketing planning, urban planning, land use planning...how many of these really need a long, thought out plan attached to them? Really? Financial planning: don't blow your credit by investing in that Ugandan ex-president's get-rich-quick scheme. Health planning: GET OFF YOUR ASS AND EXERCISE, YOU ASSHOLE! And so forth.
Now here's the point where some guy says, "Hey I went to business school, or law school, or medical school, and you don't know what it takes to plan for certain issues and things that have to be accounted for." And that guy is right. I don't know. But I do know that while people tell me that I can pursue what and how I choose, it sure doesn't seem that way. I have a plan, it just wasn't drawn up by me.
8:01 AM 0 Comments
Merry Christmas from SpedRex
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
It's Christmas day, and the town is covered in...sunlight? GODDAMN GLOBAL WARMING!! SCREWING UP WHITE CHRISTMAS!
Anyways, it is Christmas day, no matter how warm it is outside, and all across the globe, children are just beginning to feel the effects of the high levels of lead in the toys they receive from Santa Claus. In honor of this wondrous holiday, let me tell of the history behind the tale of Christmas.
The tale of Christmas begins a fucking long time ago in this town called Nazareth, which I believe was named after the Scottish power rock band Nazareth (remember the song Love Hurts?) There, in a barn (or manger, as they called it back in the old days) a little baby boy was born to the family of Joseph and Mary Christberg; they named their son Jesus, after the word that Mary kept screaming as she was trying to push the 8-pound baby out of her.
Jesus Christberg was a carefree, but overweight, child, who didn't have much time for things like fighting in the Roman legion, or helping his father gather food so they could survive in the stinking desert they lived in, but he was extremely pious, and also could play a mean version of "Stairway." As he matured, he found that he could play basketball, and he, in the first of his many great deeds that would reverberate through the history of mankind, gave birth to the phrase "basketball Jesus."
After graduating from Caesar U (Jerusalem Campus), he turned down several offers from pro teams to devote his life to speaking the word of god. Now, like most wealthy yet bored post-college jewish boys, Christberg was, to put it mildly, a liberal commie hippie. So, in speaking the word of God, he came up with such loony ideas as "love," "kindness," "tolerance," and of course, "helping the poor." The helping the poor clause really pissed off everybody else, specifically the Romans, who decided to not invite Jesus to their annual "We rule the World, no, seriously" end of the year party.
Around this time, he shortened his name to Jesus Christ and started his first band, the Acolytes (although they changed their name to the Apostles after switching labels.) During this period of his life, he went around the land, wearing his beloved Che Guevara t-shirt, performing miracles (mostly card tricks.)
Eventually, the Romans and the priests in charge (yes, who were Jewish), decided that Jesus was becoming a threat and so they had him crucified, whereby one is nailed to a cross and forced to listen to Hillary Clinton explain her healthcare plan.
Now, here's where some people disagree on what happened next. Some say that:
a) Jesus, who really was the son of god (and therefore God), came back to life, proving that he was the messiah.
b) Did what all other dead guys do: lie in the ground and rot.
I have no idea what happend, because I was not there. I will say that as all people in all ages since the dawn of monotheism have thought they were living in the end days, it must have been awful to be one of Jesus' followers right after his death. Every day you'd be saying, "He's coming back today. I can feel it."
No matter how the story ends, and seeing as how the death asteroid is going to be here in 20 years, it probably ends badly, I think we can all thank Jesus for his contributions to the worlds, and all agree that he probably was/is right about his idea that people should help others, while we can all also agree that Christmas music, with the exception of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, really sucks.
Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays!
9:09 AM 1 Comments
Redskins show testicular fortitude, win game in adversity
Monday, December 17, 2007
Last night, the Washington Redskins beat the New York Giants 22-10 at Giants Stadium. The wind was blowing at speeds of alm ost 26 mph, making it nearly impossible for either team to get any offensive rythm; starting qbs Todd Collins (8-25, 166 yards) and Eli Manning (18-52, 184 yards and a TD) saw most of their passes get carried by the wind that was swirling around in the bowl stadium. Collins, making his first start in 10 years, showed that veteran experience is still a commodity in this league, as he made no mistakes and converted enough big plays to make sure the Skins were never in danger of losing the game. Running back Clinton Portis had his 3rd hundred yard game, and passed 1000 yards on the season. With the win, the Redskins kept their slim playoff hopes alive, and next week they must face and beat Adrian Peterson and the Minnesota Vikings.
6:46 AM 0 Comments